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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Go East, Young Woman

If one is going to deem themselves a rover, 
they better be prepared to live up to the name...

Such is the position in which I find myself. 

    I moved back to Los Angeles from England the first week in September feeling very confident that my home of 14 years would welcome me back with open arms. While my incredible community of friends have done exactly that and more... the city, not so much. I thought surely with all my connections, contacts, and newly acquired international work experience that I would find a job inside of two months...certainly before Christmas. Again, not so much. My dear sweet Lows Ahn-hey-lees is proving to be a cruel, cruel bitch between the stiff competition for jobs, the sub-par pay, and the extortionate increase in rent. If I were a younger vintage of my single city gal self, I might have the energy to just barely eek by. However, I am a grown ass woman who now has a 'family' (one man, one cat, *and storage unit full of stuff ) to consider and am responsible for bringing over from the UK. And in this scenario, the city of angels is doing me no fucking favors.

    Since about 2009 or '10 (at another crossroads in my life) my sister has offered me their spare bedroom in Savannah, GA. It has been a pretty open invitation ever since. I also have the options to go back to Arizona with my mom or even to my hometown in Ohio with my dad. Yet, the 'rover' in me says, if I'm gonna give everything up once again then I'm gonna go somewhere new....forge a new trail.
    Recently, all signs have been pointing East. I won't go into the details of all the ups, downs, drama and disasters, but when I make a pro con list of staying here vs going to Savannah in order to accomplish Tom's and my immediate goal of just getting him stateside and eligible to work....then there is absolutely no contest.
California will still be here, and it will be far easier to come back as a two income household. Period.

   I do believe that I needed to come back home to LA first versus going somewhere else. I needed to reconnect with my tribe and also go through this whole process of reigniting my intuition and learning what I am and am not willing to do now at the age of 35. (And unnecessarily struggle and fight to keep my head above water is something I'm NOT so keen to do...especially when there is a viable Plan B just waiting for my green-light.) I have applied to hundreds of jobs to no real avail and I have encroached on the personal space of one of my best friend's homes for 4 1/2 months... so yeah, it's time to move on down the road.

    I recently posted this status on Facebook;

"I did something today that most people would frown upon. I "gave up." I didn't follow through on something till the bitter exhausted end. In the face of adversity, pressure, responsibilities, expectations, deadlines, confusion, and guilt among countless others I gave up what was not serving me and STOOD UP for myself. I was my own advocate. It makes a part of me uncomfortable to walk away, to say No (Thank You), and say YES to myself. And yet, I have done it before and each time... my chest opens up and expands letting me know I made the right move...even if it's leaves me a lil scared. These days I don't know my ass from my elbow...but I knew I wasn't where I was supposed to be. So I gave that up that and made a different choice. #tobecontinued "

    This was referencing a job that did actually come through, but that proved to be a totally awkward disaster to put it mildly and lasted only two days. Even at the time, I knew in my heart of hearts that these feelings were also speaking of my bigger picture....but I was not ready to admit that. 
I am now. LA is not where I'm supposed to be at this particular moment in time and I am saying YES to myself and making a different choice. And yes, it has left me a lil (a lot) scared...but excited too.  
     I'm hitting the road this Saturday morning to head first to Arizona and store some things at my mom's, and then onto the 40 East by Sunday. I want to be in Savannah for any opportunities that may be ready come the first first of February. I've already had an interview with a recruitment agency, so fingers crossed! 
   Be watching The Rover for road-trip West to East coast adventure posts :-)  

" Always be yourself... unless you can be a unicorn, 
then always be a unicorn."


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