Follow your dreams fool!

     Four days ago I returned to Los Angeles 96 days shy of having lived in the UK for two years…a feat of which I’m quite proud. Why didn't I just stay those last three months to round it out? Because seven or eight months ago I had one of those moments in which you receive a truth deep in your bones. I knew I was trudging through my last English winter. I wasn’t sure how the timing would play out but I simply knew my time there was complete.

    It had been a dream of mine to live in the UK since 2006/7, and I made that dream come true. The fact(s) that the experience wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for and that I chose to return to the States is almost completely irrelevant. The phrase ‘dream come true’ implies some fairy-tale happily ever quality and can set up unrealistic expectations. But a dream realized… now THAT is something to celebrate. And I do!

    Bringing a thought, a wish, a hope, a goal, whatever you want to call it, to fruition is immense. It fills you with a power you don’t actually recognize you’ve acquired or earned until much later. At least that is what I’m finding as I’m on the precipice of this new beginning. I’m only now truly able to acknowledge what I’ve accomplished. I learned a hell of a lot more about myself, and I can safely say I was already a fairly self-aware individual.  Yet those 21 months took my personal introspection to a whole new level… like to a microscopic level.

     As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, I fell in love with the idea of living in the UK at a time when I still was searching for answers about who I was and wanted to be, and I believed England held those answers for me. (Hey, I was 26 or 27 at the time.) So then later when I did find those answers (inside myself of course) and embrace them, that earlier seed was too deeply planted to ignore. That and I fell in love with an Englishman.

    Quick digression: In 2007, I moved from LA to Santa Barbara virtually sight unseen because … well, it just needed to be done. I needed to hit my reset button and that was how I went about it. It was a hard year for me emotionally. (Apart from joining an incredible dance theatre company) I couldn’t find my niche. It felt I was only operating at about 40% even though I was putting out 100%. Yet I knew I needed to do the time (another one of those bone truths). I completed the year and returned to Los Angeles recharged and ready to start a new chapter, or rather a new book.... a pretty gripping book I might add that lasted until I left Los Angeles once again in December 2013 for England.

     During my first 100 days in the UK I had the inkling that my time was going to be another ‘Santa Barbara Timeout'.  Turns out I was right.  Once again I couldn’t find my niche, emotions ran high and deep (oh man, the brawls my partner and I got into...) and I was not operating at full Court capacity…despite all my best efforts. Having already gone through a similar recess, I knew there was the potential to reap some amazing benefits on the other side. So I kept going. What's that saying, "If you're going through hell.. keep going ?" Yes.

 

     Good, bad, and ugly - it was amazing because there truly was a lot of good. I evolved and gained a great deal more patience.  I am grateful for every single second of it. People have said my experience would have been different if we’d have lived in Brighton or London…basically anywhere but Haywards Heath. I disagree though. It was all as it was meant to be. 

    I am excited to see how everything I've learned and gone through is going to contribute to this next phase. Basically what I'm trying to say is FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS FOOL! Whether they meet your expectations or fall flat, you WILL be better for it. I promise!

"Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn then ALWAYS be a unicorn."

:-)